you are floating on water
flying forever
you are my heart
and my smile
you are the trees and the stars. you are the earth that quakes and the salt in my wounds

i felt so guilty for hating god.
i felt so guilty for trying to keep you.
i still talk to you.
i still write in our journal
i order your favorite dish
i get mad when i do something you would hate
you are me
and i am you

i thought and tried to say goodbye.
i dont believe in goodbyes.

then i tried to celebrate you.
but you didn't dance

then. i found your blood. and your tears. and all the things you hated.
i found the part i avoided for so long
i found your bad idea
and the results
i found the pictures
and i found drops and drops and pins and needles
and words and tangled messes we couldnt sort out

then i saw you.
~~~~~~~~~~~

lucky it seems
to be standing
lucky it seems
to be doing anything of any sort
and its lucky to be here
in your safety
but everyone thought luck didnt' exsist at all
so we spun in disconnecting circles
and we forgot gravity has vessels
and now they stand there
with green space
infront of their trembling faces
staring into the vast emptiness
of all their hopelessness
when we've got
we've got what everyone wanted
what they would've taunted
only if they could get their hands
their dirty hands on out lovely dreams
the dreams that began to demand
and no one spoke our words
for they could never understand